I'd grown sardonic and jaded. I no longer saw fun as fun, but a twisted form of self-mutilation. People who were friends were not friends: they were allies in the war on desperation. I had to leave the party, I had to leave the camera at home. Time has passed, and I have been rehabilitated. Back to the party I go, lens first.
I am moved by fancies that are curled
Around these images, and cling:
The notion of some infinitely gentle
Infinitely suffering thing.
T.S. Elliot, from Preludes